Sunday, May 2, 2010

Random thoughts on Attachment and Development

I have been thinking lately about the process of attachment with twins. Thinking about how object relations come into play with twins. Such that, if I had a single baby, I would probably feel more guilty about setting the baby down to play by himself. However, having two, I always feel that they are happy to plop down and "play" together. They do have their alone time too, but I tend to always assume they want to be together. This really is the amazing side to me of twins. They will have each other throughout their childhood. A constant companion. Someone who always gets it. I just love watching them grow together and interact more each day.

Yet it nags at me that maybe I would pick them up more if they were singletons. I catch so few breaks so that now they have longer periods of contentment, I rely on having them play together to get some things done. Sometimes I wonder, "Do they want their mommy or do they want each other?" What do they make of those relationships and do they get that they will always have to share? I suppose it is the constant guilt that is there for mothers with more than one child, the juggle and balancing act of giving each one their fair share of attention.

1 comment:

  1. I, too, feel guilty about how little I hold my kids compared to what I imagine I would do if I had one baby. To be honest, I avoid picking them up so that I'm not stuck with one (how awful does that sound!) and then the other one needs me. I like to keep my arms open for really dire situations - you know, ouchies, toy fights, trips to the changing station, etc. I guess its all just part of being a twin and being a twin momma.