Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Backseat Parenting

Amazing that suddenly four days have gone past and now nearly a week since I was hospitalized. I have been home on bedrest for four days, and just now up for writing. It was much harder than I imagined initally returning home. While I knew I was pampered and able to rest beyond what would be possible when at home and watching my toddler run around, I had not realized the extent of the adjustment. Having never been ill for a prolonged period, I have never had to be so dependent on others. The other part to that too is that I am not ill! I feel fine, I am just pregnant and now feeling like my body is so fragile if I stand up for too long the babies will fall out! The resident I spoke to at discharge cautioned me against feeling that way and said: "Wouldn't it be a wonder for L&D if it actually worked that way!"

I am trying to be as strict as possible--therefore as horizontal as possible--for the majority of the day, at least until I get to 35 weeks (8/20) and then I will feel I can breathe easier. Tomorrow is my 'big excursion' going to the hospital for my weekly non-stress test and a prenatal follow up with my OB, who has been on vacation missing out on all my excitement :) It will be interesting to meet with him now that I am no longer quite the "lowest risk twin pregnancy" he has seen. But I know I am in a safe(er) bracket should the boys come early, but I am still really really wanting to keep them inside me (vs. say a NICU isolate) for as long as possible. I am terrified I will have dilated further and they will just go forward with a c-section (as I am sure TwinA is remaining stubbornly breech!).

In the meantime, living as a backseat parent is the biggest adjustment. I am practicing letting go, and perhaps this is good preperation to when I will be saddled with the immobility of breastfeeding and taking care of both boys. My daughter gets to expand her social group. So while it is painful letting go that position of being her #1 caretaker, it is an adjustment that is healthy for her, as well as inevitable. I am really grateful for the help I am getting, and if these past four days has suddenly gone by, maybe before I know it I will check the calendar and it will be September, and I will still be pregnant. Here's hoping.

1 comment:

  1. It was so hard in those late- pregnancy weeks, being looked at as "delicate", and less capable. But then again, it was also the most time I will probably ever spend laying down again, so maybe it wasn't that bad:) hmm..